Stuck in a Moment

July 23, 2012By 0 Comments

The old saying ‘just enjoy the moment’, is something I was never quite able to grasp.  I physically and mentally try to immerse myself in special moments, to soak them up or to just relax and take in my surroundings.  But I just can’t.  Luckily, I married someone who happens to be the king of enjoying the moment.  James’ ideal day or night is hanging around with friends or family, enjoying a drink or two, laughing and literally enjoying every moment for what its worth.  He is the happiest person I know when he takes the time to relax and do the things he loves.  He will then talk about how great the fun times were for the 24-hours following the event (his word for it is ‘recap’).

I will admit, I can often times be a bit of a Debbie Downer, with good reason.  I have never been able to fully enjoy a concert, a day at the beach, a cookout, a party, a fancy dinner, a romantic moment, or a once-in-a-life-time moment…. because of my diabetes.  Some people may not quite understand, and may ask, “but what if you just made sure you had food, made sure you weren’t low, made sure you weren’t high, thirsty or had to pee”…. if only it were that simple.

James and I are very lucky in that we live near the ocean, and so the other night we packed up some things and headed to meet our friends at the beach for fishing and a bonfire.  I packed, as usual, more than the average person because if I want to even try to enjoy a second of a moment, I must be prepared.  We got to the beach, and I was good to go for the most part.  I packed a warm sweatshirt and warm socks (regardless of my diabetes, I am just someone who is either freezing or sweating and never in between).  I brought a salad with me to eat for dinner, hoping that I wouldn’t have to deal with a high blood sugar while trying to enjoy the beach and campfire.  I brought lot’s of water and juice.  It all started out great and I was enjoying the company of my husband and my friends.  After about an hour and a half, I had already gotten up 4 times to check my blood sugar and to pee.  My blood sugar was holding steady… until I decided to break out the S’mores.  Who wouldn’t want S’mores at a campfire on the beach while watching fireworks?  Talks about a great moment!  I thought I was keeping up with my boluses, but never fails, less than 30 minutes after I had checked my blood sugar and it was 126, I was now 210.  The feeling of rising that quickly gives me a headache, and only makes me have to pee more, oh, and drink more.  And the cycle begins.  Thus, a perfectly wonderfully and happy moment, in which James was basking in the glory of making us all laugh as he stuffed multiple marshmallows in his mouth, I was just trying to enjoy what I could without letting my diabetes consume the entire moment.

Times like these, as frustrating as they are, just sometimes cannot be avoided.  Yes, I could have not eaten the S’mores, I could have not eaten anything at all.  I could have not had anything to drink, so that I didn’t need to run behind a dune every 15 minutes, but then I might as well have stayed home.  I have never let diabetes stop me from enjoying a moment, it just happens to always be the elephant in the room, or on the beach.

As James and I were driving home, he said “How, great was that hun!  You were warm right?  You had everything you needed right?”  Yup, I had my trusty old ball and chain and all the baggage that comes with it, and I am NOT talking about my husband.

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