Reminder: You’re not alone in this

July 9, 2013By 0 Comments

I often refer to my diabeuntitledtes as a monkey on my back that I just can’t seem to get rid of.  I have to feed it, care for it, and tend to it every second of everyday, even if all I want to do it punch it in the face.  I have been a little down lately, stressing about my blood sugars and being too hard on myself.  T is almost 5 months old.  That’s 5 months of pretty much ignoring blood sugar trends and not doing enough to fix my erratic highs and lows.  Sure, I’ve adjusted a few basal rates and used a dual wave bolus for the first time in months.  In these small attempts to gain any control back to my once perfect A1c, I find that my numbers are more all over the place now than ever.

As I was feeding T the other day, and waiting for my extreme high to come down, I did my best to keep a smile on my face and keep her entertained so that she would open her mouth wide for the incoming spoonful of prunes.  I never look for sympathy, maybe a little empathy, but not sympathy.  Imagine, if you don’t have diabetes, trying to keep an active baby happy and entertained, constantly having to be “on” and giggle and smile, when you feel dehydrated, dizzy, sick to your stomach, hungry, or exhausted…or all at the same time.  I have definitely been burning the candle at both ends, working a full-time job, taking care of T, and trying to fit myself somewhere in the mix.  My husband is amazing, but he can’t be with me every second.

I try not to get down about it all.  I try to put a positive spin on all of it, as I know it could be so much worse.  I try to not let the pressures of life and the attitudes around me that try to bring me down get in the way of fixing my diabetes and enjoying my new life with my new baby.  It’s a constant work in progress.

Just when I have these moments of solitude and down-in-the-dumps feeling looming all around me, I pat that monkey on my back and remind myself, look around, you are SO not alone in this.  Most of my Facebook network is my diabetes community that I have built over the years.  The connections are mostly from camp or through friends of friends.  Each time I have looked at my newsfeed this week, all I have seen is POSITIVE people excited to go celebrate life with their fellow diabetics.  There is a Children’s Congress in DC this past week, bringing hundreds of young, motivated and hopeful children to our Capitol to bring awareness for the need for a cure…NOW.  Then there are the many friends of mine attending the much-anticipated Friends For Life conference in Florida, put on by Children With Diabetes.  This is a very buzzed about event that thousands of T1D’s and their families attend each year to learn about new things, meet new friends, and enjoy the common bond that has brought them all together.  I am planning on attending next year, but currently I am a slave to T’s schedule, as I was traumatized by sleep deprivation for so many months, that now that she is finally sleeping like a champ for naps and bed, I would rather stay trapped in my house just so I can catch up on months of lost sleep and continue to work on my own health.

Another story that brought a huge smile to my face was that The Barton Center was able to get THEE Bret Michaels to perform and raise $10,000 for the campership fund! How awesome is that!  Bret has lived with T1D for pretty much his entire life, and I am a little obsessed with him to say the least (insert me having a few drinks and waving my pump around my head like a hoola hoop at the last concert I went to in an effort to get his attention and point out… “I have diabetes TOO Bret!!”

It is just so great, to have these days where I am struggling just to get through it all, and to look at the diabetes community around me and remember that I am SO not alone.  There are hundreds of friends that I know personally, and thousands more who all have their own daily drama on top of dealing with diabetes, and they get through it too.  I wouldn’t trade knowing any of them for anything, and I do believe that diabetes has brought out the best in all of us.  So next time you feel like no one around you really ‘gets it’, take a wider look, you are NOT alone.

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